I-diot

I-Pad

Functionality: B+
Ability to withstand wind-driven rain: D-
Name: F

The thing is, you have to just wonder how that brainstorming session went:

Apple Man: "How about 'i-tablet'? It's like a tablet that you can write on, and it would include the 'i' that Jobs wants us to always start with."
Another Apple Man: "Yeah, how long will he keep insisting on the 'i' prefix?"
1st Man: "I know. He'll die on that sacred cow" (Note: Apple employees are notorious for their mixed metaphors)
2nd Man: "How about 'tbe i-pad'?"
1st Man: "Right - it's like a notepad, and it kind of goes with i-pod . . . ."
The one Apple Woman in the room: "No. No. No. No woman will hear 'pad' and think notepad."
Man: "I don't know what you mean."
Other Man: "Yeah, what are you talking about?"
Woman: "I forgot, none of you have wives. Or girlfriends. Or healthy relationships with women. A 'pad' is a feminine hygiene product."
Man: "Like soap?"

Jamaica, after

The thing is that I'm still emotionally/mentally recovering from my trip to Jamaica Christian Boys' Home to be blogging already. So quit bugging me!

Okay, so my five readers aren't really banging down the door to get me to blog about my trip or about anything else. But I will give you a preview of the greatness that was my trip. (Can you tell that we brought them sunglasses?)

Jamaica!

I won't be posting for the next week because I'm going to be in Jamaica from Jan 18th-25th. I'll be with a team from Community Covenant Church in Upsala MN, and we'll be going back to Jamaica Christian Boys' Home in Kingston, Jamaica. While there, we have three goals. 1. To build relationships with the boys who live there and love them as much as possible in one week. 2. To encourage the staff there, who often work insane hours providing for the needs of the boys. 3. To accomplish several projects around the property, including some plumbing, painting, and roofing projects. My job on the team is as a co-cook, providing meals for our team. And, of course, I'll be spending as much time with the boys as possible! My special love is the younger boys, some of whom are as young as six. We play Connect 4 and Uno, we color and draw, we work on homework, we read books, and we look for Waldo in the Where's Waldo books. It's the best time EVER.

My first experience at Jamaica Christian Boys' Home was in 2008, when I went with these same leaders (Phil & Jan Gerth, for those of you who know them) and the same church. It was such a heart-breaking, faith-building, leaning-on-God experience that I will be very glad to return. My heart breaks for the boys that live there, but God encourages me so much that He cares even more for them than I do.

I need prayer! Our whole team needs prayer! Would you pray with us? Let our prayer be that we will be the hands and feet of Christ, showing these boys love that points them to their heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. For all the fun we have, it won't matter at all if we don't point them to the One who can be close to them every single day of their life, and who died for them out of love for them. Please also pray for our travel experiences, that customs and luggage will go smoothly and that we won't get a high duty "fee" when we enter Kingston. Pray that we would have safety as we work and travel. Pray that we would be purposeful in our times with the boys, that they would be about more than just fun and laughter. Pray specifically for our ministry times in the evenings where we'll be sharing Bible lessons with them. You can pray specifically for me, that I'll have little stress and much joy while preparing meals in a hot kitchen. You can also pray that I won't see any critters that would gross me out while working in the kitchen!

If you feel led, please pray with me. Pray one day. Pray two days. Pray the whole week! Whether you pray every day or just one, whatever you can do, please post below or let me know somehow your commitment so that I know who you are and can report back about the trip. Thanks so much, everyone!

Devastation

The thing is that I have nothing funny or interesting to share when I consider Haiti. I can't even comprehend it, even though I've been trying to process since Tuesday at 5 pm. It's so broken and nobody knows how to fix it - the definition of devastation. What can be done? Pray, I guess, which I've been doing. And give, which I will do but can't at the moment. And remember them. And let this experience change me for the better. And then pray about it again. That's all I've got, so I'll keep doing it. Any other things to do? Please share.

Consistency

The thing is that I think we should all agree to call the Christmas airline (non)bomber "The Underwear Bomber". We called Richard Reed (sp?) "The Shoe Bomber". For the sake of consistency, (and, really, aren't terrorist monikers all about consistency?) I think we need to go with "The Underwear Bomber". I think that Slate.com is onto this already, because every time they write about him they use the word "underwear". Health care and banking regulations aside, this is a campaign I can sign on with.

Or "Underpants Bomber". I'm not sure who uses the word "underpants." (east coast, is it you?) (the elderly, could it be you?) Either way, I think it's clear that this man should clearly be embarrassed about the location of his explosives. And, hey, it could be worse. We could be really cruel and call him "The Panty Bomber". Or, even worse, "The Panty Non-Bomber", because, let's face it, he's quite the failure.

Biscuits

The thing is that my dad is pretty hysterical. For example, every Thursday at 6 am my dad goes to the gas station in town and has biscuits and gravy with the other middle-aged and retired farmers from the greater Chancellor SD area. When he gets home he puts all of the gossip and collected wisdom into an email for his daughters. It is always funny. Like, snort-at-your-desk funny. I've asked him for permission to post his emails, but we're still in negotiations. I will, however, share the poem that he sent last Thursday when he was snowed in (after going to town for biscuits and gravy).

Its winter in South Dakota
The gentle breezes blow
seventy miles an hour
at twenty five below

Oh how I love South Dakota
when the snow is up to your butt
take a breath of winter
and your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful
so I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave South Dakota
My a** is frozen to the ground (my edit)

Thanks, Pop, for another snorty laugh. Love you!

John Cusack disappoints

Haiku -

"Hot Tub Time Machine"
Thanks for saving me time
A movie to skip

The thing is I saw the trailer, and I want those 3 minutes back. I can't imagine watching a movie where the main plot point is given away by the title. Especially that title.

(on a side note, I wonder what has happened to John Cusack, that he would take this role? I was willing to forgive "Must Love Dogs", "Con-Air", but really? I mean, really?)

(discarded haikus below)

Avoid this movie:
"Hot Tub Time Machine" is lame
The trailer told me

I'm sure it's superb.
But can it get past the hype?
"Hot Tub Time Machine"

"Hot Tub Time Machine"
Wonder what the plot could be?
(darn spoiler title)

Is it possible
That I've spent hours thinking
On this stupid flick?

Train (not the band)

The thing is that one time I was riding on a train with my friend Lisa. In the dining car we saw three men in matching blue wool-ish suits with skinny pants and huge lapels. They also had these crazy haircuts and sideburns. I assumed they were being ironic and were in a band. In actuality, they were Amish.

Apparently the Amish do believe in train travel.

Am I blogging?

The thing is that I've considered blogging for awhile. So long, in fact, that it seems like (of course) blogging is now so 2008. However, then I remember that I was born in South Dakota and therefore have been at least two years behind every trend for my entire life. So I think I'll at least give it a try. Plus I just watched "Julie and Julia" and she started a blog and then had a movie written about her.

What will I write about? I'm not sure. Mostly I just want a blog where I can ask my friends to name their top 5 lists on random topics. And, in the spirit of my sister Sara (the one living without regrets) I don't want to regret not at least trying to blog.

The major problem that I see with blogging is that the blogs I love contain either 1. beautiful photographs of everyday events and surroundings or 2. witty writing about spirituality, pop culture, books, craftiness, or life in general. I have no talent for photography, and I'm pretty sure that whenever I try to be witty the only one that is amused is myself. However, I've been trying (unsuccessfully) to get my dad to twitter or blog, if only because it would be hysterical to about 5 people on the planet. If he continues to refuse, maybe I'll just post his hysterical emails on this blog.

So, to sum up, here are my blogging goals:
1. Collect top 5 lists from friends
2. Try to be witty
3. Get a movie to be based on my life
4. Steal my dad's material